February 24, 2010

Excuse me, please

I feel the need to put my serious pants on for a minute and tackle something that has been bothering me for quite some time now.

I am a stay at home mom. By choice. I have a degree, as well as a license in cosmetology. I have worked outside the home. I used to manage a salon. I worked as a customer service rep for a great company with amazing benefits. In fact, when I had my first baby, Thom and I didn’t pay a cent for him. NOT.A.CENT. I was in a union. They took care of me.

I walked away from a job where I was making more than my husband.

With better benefits.

To stay at home with my child.

What kinda crazy person would do such a thing? I’m glad you asked.

When we moved to Wyoming, the major reason was to allow me to stay at home with our kid(s). Granted, Thom did have some issues to work out and dreams to chase, but the underlying fact was that it was cheaper to live out here so he would be able to support us with his one income.

Things worked out. I stayed with my parents for 6 months while he prepared out home 4 hours away. Not an easy thing to do for either one of us, but we made it work.

So I stayed home. I soon realized that just being a mom was more work than I’d ever done at any job ever. It’s not like I got to clock out at 5 and go home, I was already there. There was always something to clean, something to fix, someone who needed attention. It was the hardest job I’d ever had…and I was LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

Time passed, we expanded our family, prices went up, gas went up, we changed cars, we let people live with us, we fixed up our house, we budgeted, we survived.

My husband is now regretting the decision we made 3 years ago to move out here. He is very unsatisfied and disillusioned with a job that promised a lot more than they could deliver. In addition to that, they cannot/will not increase his salary.

Not a problem, I say. I have training in many fields, I can go back to work. The MAIN reason I got my cosmetology license was to be able to work anywhere. People ALWAYS need haircuts, they don’t always need you to sing them a song. So I decided it was time for me to re-enter the workforce.

Then something amazing happened. My husband said no. Not a chance. I’m not sure if it was his pride or the fact that being left in charge of two kids alone scared the crap out of him. (I’m kidding) But he wouldn’t let me.

I saw a sign advertising help wanted and got to thinking. I could work nights, after the kids were in bed, and that way no one would even know I was gone. You would have thought I suggested selling my body for money (which by the looks of things lately, would not have made us NEARLY enough!)

My husband explained that it was more important to him for his children to be raised by their mother. Simple as that.

My husband’s mom worked. A lot. She’s a RN. So he went to his grandma's every day. And he has a lot of reasons we won’t go into here why he’d rather I raise the children.

Long story short, he got the job at our beloved Wally World. Two days before I had our second baby. So he works at job #1 all day and then comes home for an hour and goes to job #2.

And I stay at home with the kids. All day and night. Alone.

Does it suck? Yes. Would I change it if I could? Yes! Could I go to work? Totally. I am more than willing to get a job outside the home. 100% Do I miss my hubby? Yes. Do I feel guilty about the whole situation? Yeah I do. It’s not fair to him, not at all. But his job #1 has him traveling out of town a lot, so any chance of me being able to hold regular hours anyway is out the window.

He works so hard and it’s a really hard time for all of us. We try not to complain. It does suck, but here’s the thing. Job #2 is just us working on paying off some bills. It’s not because we’re living beyond our means, it’s not because we HAVE to have that second paycheck. We’re trying to pay off loans and bills so we can have a better, more financially free life.

I’m sorry to feel the need to justify our decisions, but I think people look at us and get a little confused. Don’t think I’m forcing my hubby to slave away while I chill at the house.

But the bottom line is I don’t want to miss thisDSC_3816 DSC_3473

I don’t want someone else to get to watch my kids grow up. I don’t want someone else to get to see my babies hit milestones and develop. I don’t want someone else to get to hang out with my kids all day while I work and I am BLESSED enough to have a husband who will work his tail off to make that possible for me. Some mommies don't get to. Some have to work and put their children in the care of someone else. I am one lucky lady who gets on her knees every night to give her thanks to a Father in Heaven for giving her such a wonderful hubby and that the situation allows us to do the things we do.

I am not lazy.

I am not selfish.

I am not at home all day sitting on my butt eating bon bons.

I do not take anything for granted.

I am a mother.

And I’m going to miss this when it’s gone.DSC_3352

So I don’t want to miss a second of it while I have the chance to soak it all in.


Roving Vidiot said...


P.S. I Love you to, any other comments I have to anyone who thinks they have advice, or might be stupid enough to look down their pompous nose at us and our decisions,.... well lets just say I have a versed vocabulary, an eloquent use of Anglo Saxton 4 letter words, and a bit of a temper.

until then, I love you pretty wife and i would work 4 jobs without sleep to make sure that my children had their mother.

Jamie said...

Amen Sista! I am sure you are a wonderful mother and your kids are soo lucky to have you home with them. I too am blessed to be in your situation!

Barrios Family said...

Great post. I, however; fall on the other end of the spectrum, not because my husband didn't want to work multiple jobs, but for years his immigration status did not allow him to. I have chosen to work in order to allow him to carry out his dream of doing what he loves. I have worked the two and three jobs at a time just to make rent. Do I feel horribly guilty that I was at some job while my kids were with another woman? HELL yes I do, but I would feel worse if I couldn't clothe them too. In no means do I look down upon women who are lucky enough to have the opportunity to raise their children without having to work a 9-5. . .I envy them. Cherish every silly thing that your babies do, cherish every time you get to watch them slowly fall asleep on the sofa while watching cartoons. My baby girl will be 10 next week and I wish that I could go back in time and get all of those things back.

Ashley Crapo said...

YAY for Mommies! I'm not one yet, but I hope I can somehow work out to be a stay at home mommy too. Love you Camie!

Brooke said...

Okay, you've got me crying. I love you and look up to you more than you will ever know. You have always been stronger than me - and this post just solidified that fact.

Plus, I needed to hear that. Too many days I have "poor Mommy syndrome" when I think I can't possibly listen to one more whine or cry about something silly or insignificant. I need to get a little perspective and appreciate what I have. Thanks for giving me the kick in the butt I needed today. Love ya!

NICKI said...

I love you Camie! You are awesome-we need to talk next time you are in town. Come and visit me.

Eileen Izatt Burton said...

Never ever ever would I question your decision to be a stay at home mom. You are a wise woman to realize what you would miss. I miss those times. Not because I work everyday, but because my babies are now grown and have babies of their own. You will never regret the time you spend with your kids and yes it is DANG hard to spend every minute with the full of life little wonders. Bless you, bless you for making the right decision. And I knew there was a reason I love that Thom. What a guy!!! Love you all. You are a great little family.

The Collard Clan said...

Alright Camie - I've been having these same feelings lately and feeling torn between the need to help my hubby and the importance of just being home with the kids..then today I was having a cranky, poor me, mom day...I read your blog and I cried. THANKS A LOT! :-) I'm glad I'm not the only one out there who has these feelings. No wonder women are such a mess! :-) Thanks for sharing with me.

Lisa and Jacob said...

Wow. We are seriously on the same page lately. Seriously. Being able to stay home with kids is THE BEST gift a mother could ever have. Jake and I have had many coversations over the years, and many tears were shed, and in the end, we also make it work because we both know that our kids need their Momma to be there for them. I also feel like people may look down on me for not working (especially now that they're in school all day) but what happens when they are sick, etc. Anyway, like Amber said- I think Mom's that do work are hurting inside that they aren't able to be with their kids. And you will never get this time back. Keep up the great work!!

SSS said...

I agree with your husband. I think it'll greatly benefit your young family in the long run that you stayed home with your kids now Camie.

Momza said...

Noone can replace a mother in the home.
Great post!