I deleted my MySpace account awhile ago, but before I did I copied my blog posts from it. I mean, they must have meant something to me at some time or I wouldn't have posted them. I decided to post them here on my real life blog just to have the memory of a happier time...er, well a different time anyway. La la la, I know. Feel free to pass on these if you like, they're more for my sake than for yours. And I'm pretty sure I thought I was hilarious then too. Yeah, sorry.
I love my life. I am so proud of the person I am, and for all the obstacles in my life that I have had to overcome to make me who I am today. I am honest and true and loyal and wiser for the ware, that's for sure.
I had a friend once, loved her to death. We were very close and I was so glad to have her in my life. She was like my only friend in town, someone I saw everyday. I mean, we were tight. Then she did something I didn't agree with and I let the offended party know about it. I was standing up for what I knew was right, and yet my friendship with this girl was over. She hated me and turned a lot of other people against me for doing something I thought was right. I miss her.
The pain and anguish I went through because of that I will never forget. I hated myself and then her and then I was mad and hurt and sad and it took me a LONG time to get over it. A long time.
I now find myself in the same awkward situation, the variables are different, but the same kind of situation. I know something she did, I think it was very, very wrong and could hurt a lot of people, including myself. I, however, will not be the one to let the offended party know. No, not this time. I still find myself at a loss. What do I do? Do I ignore the wrongdoing and still be the friend? Do I end the friendship completely? I have no idea what to to and I hate being in this spot.
Have you ever known someone where when they talk you need to be listening but as soon as you say something about yourself it's like talking to the wall? You are completely ignored or the subject is changed? Yeah, I don't like friends like that. I have come to realize that I have had a lot of people like that in my life and I am so sick of it.
I think it's time for me to just detoxify my life. I am sick of selfish friends. I am a giving, caring person and am afraid I always will be. However, I am going to stop letting people leach onto me and I am going to start being more assertive. Those of you who know me know how hard this can be, but starting now I am going to be different.
I think my biggest problem is that I base my feelings on my friendships. There are so many people out there and it's pointless to be stuck, and this goes for ALL relationships, it's just a waste of time to feel like crap. If the person you're with makes you feel crappy, leave. It's not worth it. I am done. There are too many nice people out there. I have had the oppertunity in the past few weeks to meet some amazing people. Real people, good people and friends and I am so greateful for them. No more wasted time, money, and feelings on stupid, selfish people.
PS this is not a cry for attention or sympathy. Just a little self-discovery.