30 Days of Truth: Day 12

SOMETHING YOU NEVER GET COMPLIMENTS ON.

Ha ha yeah.
No on ever says, "Gosh, Cam.  You're WAY too skinny!"
Or "Camie, you have the greatest fashion sense!"

This is a weird question.  There is TONS of stuff I never get complimented on and that's probably because it's not something meant to be complimented.

Okay,  so I'm thinking it's meant to mean something you think is pretty great and no one else sees the need to compliment you on it.  Hmmm...I honestly can't think of a dang thing here because I hang out with some pretty fantastic people.

You know how women can be catty?  I don't know if it's like a competition or something that makes themselves feel better, but women can be down right rude.   I think that if someone is wearing something cute, tell them!  If they look fabulous, tell them!  If they do something that is amazing, TELL THEM!!

So the moral of the story here is that I have a group of friends who seem to believe in this philosophy as well.   There is honestly nothing I can think of that is pretty fantastic about myself that has not been complimented on once or twice.  So thanks, girls, for always lifting me up and giving me those compliments, even if I don't feel I deserve them.

And PS next time tell me how skinny I am.
It MAY be a tiny lie, but it would sure make me fell better!!

30 Days of Truth: Day 11

SOMETHING PEOPLE SEEM TO COMPLIMENT YOU THE MOST ON.


Is it a compliment when someone tells you how tall you are?  I get that a lot, you know, as if I don't already know how the freak tall I am.


People seem to compliment me the most on my good lookin face, apparently.  I get told I'm pretty a lot.  I don't see it, but you know, that kinda goes back to day 1 here.  So thanks, ya'll.  Izacc tells me I'm beautiful all the time and we all know kids don't lie right?  Right?!


I also get complimented on my attention to detail a lot.  You know me and my mad party planning ways!  I do love it and it shows I suppose.


Izacc told me tonight, "Mom, I'm glad you're my family."


I personally think that's the best compliment I've ever had.

30 Days of Truth: Day 10

SOMEONE YOU NEED TO LET GO, OR WISH YOU DIDN'T KNOW.




I kinda think I'm not going to answer this one simply because the person I would be describing may or may not read my blog.  I can't be sure.  So for safety's sake, I think I'm taking a bye here.


I am a person with a HUGE heart.  I have a lot of sympathy for people.  More so in my younger years as I have lived and learned the ways of some people.  But I have always been very accepting of most people. Sometimes people who I really don't want to be friends with.  Sometime said people drain me dry with phone calls and having me listen incessantly while they go on and on about things I could seriously give two craps about.  So, sometimes I don't answer my phone.  Or respond to emails.  Or texts.  Fine.  The problem is that I am a bad, bad friend because sometimes I also forget.  Sometimes you are a true friend and I get a message and forget to call you back!  Or write you back!  I get easily distracted!  But what happens is sometimes I sit idly by as friendships drift away.  Sometimes I just don't want to go out.  Sometimes I don't want to talk.  I know, right?  I'm not sure why I do this. I love being social and I love to talk. But I learned from a very young age that I am not the girl who needs a companion to go to the bathroom.  I'm okay by myself sometimes.  It does not mean I don't value a friendship. I am just a moody female who likes to be alone sometimes.  And I will admit that since the invention of texting, my friendships have held up a lot better.  A lot!  And the thing that gets me the most is that the one or two people that I'm really trying to dis and get rid of don't seem to get the point.  Don't worry, dear friends, odds are that if you are reading this I am not talking about you!!  I'm almost positive this person doesn't frequent my blog...but you know...you can't be too careful.  So I'm sorry if I'm a crappy friend!  I don't try to be!  I don't know what my problem is sometimes.  I guess is that what I'm trying to say here is I'm sorry for forgetting to call you  back.  Or text.  Or email.  I really do love my friends and even those I'd like to let slip away I will always have a soft spot in my heart for.  I'm just flawed.  So keep trying.  I know I suck sometimes but I really do love ya!! 

30 Days of Truth: Day 9

SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LET GO, BUT JUST DRIFTED.




I have a few friends like this.  I hate that.  But, you know I also hate to admit it, but thanks to Facebook I have been able to keep up with people I thought were long gone, so that's kinda nice.


But I had a beautiful friend named Maricella.  We met in Laramie when I went to a summer math and science program.  (Mock me if you will, but I was a smarty pants.)  She was my roommate.  And I loved her.  She was so quiet and soft spoken but hilarious!  And I went 5 weeks without knowing that she spoke Spanish!  I was struggling through my beginning Spanish course and there she was, the WHOLE TIME, able to speak perfect fluent Spanish.


We kept in touch through high school and then got to be in a summer program two years later.  We had the best times!  She was so different from anyone I'd ever met.  She was so beautiful!  I always envied how gorgeous she was. 


We hung out a few times after college.  She was a bridesmaid at my wedding.  And I miss her so so much.  I hope she is well and I would love to be close again.  But you know how things go.  Time goes by, you miss a lot.  Pretty soon you're acquaintances and it's just not the same.  


I sure miss your face, Miss Sanchez!  Love you!!

30 Days of Truth: Day 8

SOMEONE WHO MADE YOUR LIFE HELL, OR TREATED YOU LIKE SHIZ.


Yeah, it wasn't hard to come up with this one.  It is kind of a long story, though.  So snuggle in, get some cocoa and listen up.

I was in beauty school after I got my degree from college.  I knew no one.  I can remember I would go home and just cry and cry because I had no friends and I was ridiculously and painfully shy.  I didn't know how to talk to people.  I didn't know how to start a conversation.  It was sad, really.

Then one day a girl came up to me and started talking.  I thought she was really young, like 18 or so, which is kinda funny because she was actually 28 at the time.  She was LDS.  She was talkative.  She was funny.  We became fast friends and that was that.  We hung after school and on the weekends.  I got to know her parents and family.  She knew about my situations and didn't judge me.  She was seriously my only friend in town.  We saw each other basically every day.  She was like my best friend.  She was going to do my hair for my wedding.  She didn't.

She did something that I didn't agree with.  In fact it pissed me off so bad I didn't know what to do with myself.  You see, in beauty school you have a certain number of haircuts, perms, nail sets, etc that are to be done per week.  We were in charge of getting the work we did signed off by our instructor and then turned in.  She TOLD me that she was signing off her own stuff and turning it in.  My world was shattered.  I cried and prayed about it and seriously didn't know what to do.  So finally I took it to the teacher.  I thought I was doing the right thing.  I was standing up for what I knew was fair and right.  I didn't want her to get busted and kicked out, but I didn't want her to get through by cheating either.   I was seriously between a rock and a hard place.

Well the teacher wasn't very smooth and instead of waiting for a forged signature to show up in the turned in pile, she told this girl that someone told on her.  She of course denied it.  And knew who told because, obviously, she only told one person.  Hello.  Me.  The narc.

So from that day on my life was hell.  She had every single girl in that school turned against me.  Every single one.  I busted her talking crap about me at one point and it was just ugly.  I hate my life, I hated going to school.  Thank goodness I only had a few weeks left until I reached my hours because it was the worst time of my life.

I got thinking about the span of our friendship and realized she really hadn't been that great of friend to me.  She would used me a lot.  Like I once skipped school to drive to Laramie with her and sat in the car for 2 hours alone so she could make out with her then boyfriend.  She was just one of those people who would talk your ear off and want you to be there for them, but when it came to me and my life and things I had to say, it was hit or miss on whether or not she was listening.  There were quite a few times I just stopped talking in the middle of a story and she didn't even notice.  She always messed up my hair whenever she cut it...or styled it.  Once she burned a chunk right off.  And I later found out that she had only befriended me because she knew I was inactive and wanted to get me to come back to church.  I was a project to her.

I went through a lot of pain because of this whole situation.  It really hurt that this girl who was my only friend for the better part of two years was suddenly gone.  It was like a breakup.  We've all gone through those, right?  Yeah.  It hurt.  And I was scared to go shopping for fear of seeing her.  So I sat home and went to work and that was basically it.  It was awful and hard and I hope I never have to go through that feeling again.  I was mad and hurt and sad and I hated myself and I hated her and I hated that I hated her because she was my friend and I loved her.

And you know what?  I still miss her.  Yeah, she was a sucky friend at times.  Yeah, she treated me like major shiz and made me a whole lotta enemies.  But I still think about her and wonder how she is and if she's married and what's been going on.  I know, my ever forgiving heart.  We have not kept in touch, as you may guess.

It has taken me a long time to get over it, to be able to drive into Cheyenne without my heart sinking into my stomach.  And that sucks because there were a lot of other people from school that I would have liked to keep in touch with that now think I'm the most evil person on earth.  Lame.  But in all seriousness, would you want someone cutting your hair that cheated their way through school?!  Yeah,  me either.

30 Days of Truth: Day 7

SOMEONE WHO HAS MADE YOUR LIFE WORTH LIVING FOR.




I am almost positive that this one goes without saying.  I love my parents.  I love my little brothers.  I love my husband dearly and more than anything on earth, but my life wasn't really worth anything until

these two little bundles dropped into my life. 

And by dropped, of course, I mean forcefully shoved.

 I really had no idea what life was really about until I met this little face. 

And then, again, when this other little face looked into my eyes.

You know, you can talk about depression and all the hard things it brings.

These boys have indeed saved my life.

They make me look forward to each new day.

They make me want to live.

They make me want to be a better person.

A better mom, a better friend, a better woman.

They make me feel alive.

They make me want to take care of myself so I'll be around to see all the good they're going to bring into the world.

Izacc loves me.  He is concerned for me when I'm upset.  He always gives me hugs and kisses.  He cuddles with me when we watch TV.  He is very sweet and will do anything for me...as long as he WANTS to of course.  He has very good manners and mostly remembers when to use them.

Ian loves me.  He is very protective of me.  If anyone is tickling me or pestering me, he gets personally offended and cries.  He sometimes wants no one but his mom.  He melts my heart with his deep eyes and little smile.  And his speech is coming right along, and his "bove voo" and a kiss will make you crumble.

I never dreamed I would be a boymom.  

I always just assumed I would have a daughter somewhere in the mix.

Perhaps someday I will.

However, being the mom of these two brothers has made my life worth living.

They're sweetness, they're sense of humor, they're unique ability to annoy each other while making each other laugh has been such a joy to witness and be apart of.

They are brothers in every sense of the word.

I love them with all my heart.

I would die for them.

And I can't wait to add more to the mix!

My little superheros

Saving my life one day at a time.

And yeah, that is the costume Izacc wore two years ago...yeah I know he's only 18 months old...yeah I know Izacc was well over 2 when he wore it...I KNOW I KNOW!!!

30 Days of Truth: Day 6

SOMETHING YOU HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE TO DO

I do not like this one.  I feel like it's kind of tempting fate, am I right? I mean I could say, "Oh, I hope I never get into a car accident." and with my luck, it would happen the next day.  Oooh so maybe I should play some reverse psychology on fate, no?  Like, "I hope I never have a million dollars." No because then that WOULD happen!!  Lame.  I'm screwed either way.  So hmmm, what's a girl to do? How about this:

I hope I never have to change another dirty diaper again.

Because I would really love that but let's face facts here people.  That's just not happening.

So crap!  What shall I do?!  Okay,well, I think maybe I've figured it out!

I hope I never have to clean ice cream and peach juice off my living room ceiling.
I hope I never have to buy a(nother) Snuggie.
I hope I never have to gurgle peanut butter.
I hope I never have to shave Thom's back.
I hope I never have to wake up to a decapitated horse's head in my bed.
I hope I never have to slit my wrists and do push-ups in salt water.
I hope I never have to pay for sex on my birthday.
I hope I never have to fight Chuck Norris.
I hope I never have to fight for my right to party.
I hope I never have to arm wrestle Hulk Hogan.
I hope I never have to walk naked down the street while juggling chainsaws and singing the Canadian National Anthem in French.

Yeah, I could go on but really, I mean, really.  Yeah.

30 Days of Truth: Day 5

SOMETHING YOU HOPE TO DO IT YOUR LIFE.


This is a fun one.  I have been thinking about this a lot lately...let's call it a mid-ish life crisis. Had you asked 20 year old Camie this question I am almost positive it would have gone something like this:
Get married.
Have kids.
Be a famous actress/musician.
Visit somewhere warm and tropical.
Live happily ever after.

Yeah, I know.  I had high hopes and huge dreams.  It's amazing what a few years can teach ya... or throw in your face.  So now that I've checked a couple of those things off my list, it's definitely time for a new updated version.

STAY married.  (not as easy some days as it seems)
Be a good mother to my kids.
Earn a bachelor's degree...and TEACH theatre perhaps...or maybe math.
Visit somewhere warm and tropical (what can I say? At least I'm consistent)
Find a home to settle down in.  And when I say settle down I mean I am going to plant roots and NEVER MOVE AGAIN!  I love my husband dearly.  I think he must be part Nomad because he gets the itch about every three years.  I am constantly in this limbo of  "should I make plans?  Should I get all the boxes unpacked?  Will it be easier to just keep things stored in boxes?  Should I fix up the house?  Will it sell like this?"  Well one day I will be able to say "Oh we've lived here 20 years."  I can't even wait.
Get back into my size 8's.  Oh baby, those dang babies...
Take my family to Disneyland.  And I'm serious.
I hope I get to be a grandma, heck even a great-gramma.
I wanna be on stage again, somehow.  It's in my blood, my DNA.
Live Happily Ever After

Pretty good list.  More practical, almost ALL doable.  Yeah.  Awesome.

Friday Confessional

Hi!  It's a double dose of me today!  Lucky you!! You're going to be so sick of me by the time this month is over!!  Ha, well, sorry. You can stop reading now if you like.  Oh, you're still here?  Okay well let's go!  I confess:

• I kinda feel like barfing.
• No reason, just feel like crap.
• Blah I hate that feeling.
• Also I hate that my stinking space bar on my laptop is stupid.
• I have to be very vigilant  and pay attention to what I'm doing
• orallmysentanceslooklikethis.
• Not kidding.
• I'm about breaking my thumb trying to hit it hard enough to make a space.
• I have no idea what happened.
• One day it just sorta stopped working.
• Lame $5 laptop anyway!!
• It was a deal from the college because it didn't have a hard drive.
• But really, for five bucks I guess I shouldn't complain about a stupid space bar.
• It's just super annoying.
• Know what else is super annoying?
• Uh how about anything on Nick.
• Dora, Wonder Pets, Umizoomi, Fresh Beats
• I miss the days without cable.
• And the days when Izacc didn't ever see toy commercials
• Because all I hear all day is a combination of whatever show is making him yell out
• And "I want THAT for Christmas!  And I want THAT for Christmas!"
• And "WOW!  Mom!  I really want THAT, not for Christmas, for right now."
• Whew I'm glad Ian can't talk yet.
• Ish.
• Dear, sweet Izacc.
• He even wants all the girl toys.
• Doll houses, dolls
• Basically, if it has a commercial, he wants it.
• He's even said he wants the whatever home gym, a Snuggie and Kmart Layaway.
• Heaven help us. 
• Granted he only watches about 2 hours of Nick a day.
• But they are jam packed with wants and needs.
• What did we talk about before tv?!
• Gosh.
• And Christmas should be a breeze this year
• Because apparently he'll  be happy with anything!
• Oh Christmas.
• How can it be so quickly approaching?!
• Manit'sstressing me out.
• Slow down, world!
• Or time.
• Or whatever it is that is making months fly by like weeks.
• Lame.
• Oh well, I suppose I'd better buckle down and enjoy the ride
• It always goes by so dang fast.
• Ug, Igottagobarf.
• Or something like that.

Now go link up and play!!

30 Days of Truth: Day 4

SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE SOMEONE ELSE FOR.

This one is kinda touchy for me because there are a plenty of people I've had to forgive. Ha ha, that sounds really bad. But a lot of big life molding events in which I've had to swallow my pride and forgive, however I don't feel the need to announce to the world what went down, who it was and what happened.  Call me old fashioned, but I'm not into airing other people's dirty laundry like that.  So perhaps the names and dates can be changed to protect the innocent?  Or maybe I can basically explain my method of forgiving.

Music.  I listen to a butt load of music.  And I seem to always find the songs that fit my situation and listen to them over and over again.  And cry.  A whole lot.  I'm a weeper, sissy la la cry cry girl! That's for sure.  And it takes time and space, but I get the job done.

Okay, okay, I know the rules.  So here is one situation where I've needed to forgive. When I was in college, I was, erm, raped.  Yikes.  That's too heavy a word for my little blog.  How about "taken advantage of" does that sound better?  Less depressing? Yeah, I thought not.  But yeah, it happened and it sucked and it took a really long time to be able to forgive, both myself and him.  Myself for being so stupid and him, well, for obvious reasons.  He was my boyfriend at the time.   He was so handsome and he was so smooth.  He was a flirt.  He was sleeping at my apartment because he had been evicted.  And he was drunk.  He was a convert to the LDS church too. Isn't that nice?  I totally trusted him because I thought hey, he chose the church!  He wanted to be in it!  So I let him stay with us and I justified it because I thought he had the same standards as me.  Boy was I off.   WAAYYYY off.

So it happened and I told a friend, who told me that I couldn't report it because we were in a "relationship."  And if you're in a relationship they can't do anything about it.  Stupid.  If only I'd known then what I know now, well, I wouldn't have let him stay for one!  But ugh it made life no bueno for awhile. And if only I had gone to the police, maybe I could have saved another girl from having to go through what I did.  Because there were more...I found out much later of course, but it sickens me that there were more.

I am stronger for it, I like to believe. I've had to go through shame and sadness and counseling and feeling sorry for myself and anger and down right hell.  I made some bad choices because of it and I've had to come back from all of it.  It's a lot to deal with when you're a tiny 19 year old.  I look back and I was a baby.  A BABY!  I had no idea about the world and the people in it!  I trusted people and gave them the benefit of the doubt.  And my parents taught me well and I should have listened to them!  But it, again, makes me who I am.  And I know that for all the crap that has happened in my short life, there has been double the joy.  So I am thankful for those hard times for making me love and appreciate the good ones.

And now that I have sufficiently depressed you for the evening, I'm off to bed.
Oh and PS don't you worry about me!  I'm good! I'm really good.  It's taken time, but I'm really, really good.